There comes a time in your life when you do things and upset your own life. No matter what you do, it seems futile to retrieve what you lost and put back your life to way it used to be.
That happened to me in 2009. It was fun messing my life around just so I could let go and do things I couldn’t do when it was going how it used to go. I had lots of fun: I traveled and went out with friends, spent money to my heart’s content, and lived like the vat of resources won’t run out.
It’s like looking in a pond where the water is so clear. You see everything; all these interesting things. There are colorful fishes that swim around, shells of different sizes and shapes lying on pretty pinkish sand. The water looks so cool, refreshing and soothing. You are tempted to jump in and you give in. You chase after the fishes, pick up shells from the bottom, scoop a handful of sand, dance and swim in the water, to and fro.
Soon enough, the water turns murky. You can no longer see the fishes. You can no longer see the shells. You can no longer see the pinkish sand. You begin to feel anxious. You suddenly need to get out of the pond. You get out and look in. Even after leaving, the water remains murky.
You are disappointed and you are scared. You blame yourself for turning it the way it is. You regret turning that beautiful thing into something so unappealing. You cry in anguish.
Then, you realize… The fishes are still in there somewhere. The shells still lay at the bottom. The pinkish sand still covers the floor of the pond, even if it mixes with the mud which turns the water dark and dirty. You wait for the mud to settle. Slowly, the waters ain’t so murky anymore. A little more patience. Just a little bit more. You pray, you seek, you wait, you trust. Any moment now… Clear, cool, refreshing, and soothing waters… Be patient…
The Lure of AZRAEL 